Of Shalarith and cookies

My rough draft synopsis of my book, gryphon legend.  Don’t read if you don’t want the story ruined.  Contains all major plot points through to the end.

PLEASE CRITIQUE.  I’m sure this is in dire need of a LOT of help.

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It all came down to one simple fact.  He would have to kill his brother.

Keshaar the gryphon lives with a larger flock in the northern mountains of Shalarith, running small scouting missions in the south.  It is his job to keep an eye on the opposing forces during the war and report any new findings to his leader, General FireWing.

Zanthar is Keshaar’s identical twin brother who plans to overthrow the rule of humans in the land and establish gryphons as a superior race.  He meets in secret with his commanders to discuss a new project he has been working on—magically mutated humans.

Twilight was a human once, but after being kidnapped as a child by Zanthar’s crazy pet mage, she has been mutated past recognition, into the form of a gryphon.  She is the first to survive such mutations and has come out of her struggle a strong creature who will not remain under Zanthar’s talons.

Keshaar discovers Twilight while spying on one of his brother’s many meetings, and realizes he cannot simply leave her behind.  He rescues her and returns with Twilight to his flock in the north.  The two are friendly towards each other, and Twilight feels a sort of hero-worship towards the gryphon who saved her.

Not long after their arrival back at the flock, Keshaar must once again head to the south to update the human King of Zanthar’s devious plans.  He asks his best friend, Taevern, to look after Twilight while he is away.  Keshaar also decides to meet up with two other gryphons while he is in the South and destroy the dungeon of Zanthar’s that Twilight was help captive in.  He is given a Seeing-Stone from General FireWing that will allow him to communicate with the other two gryphons, who have also received a Stone, to formulate a plan.

Meanwhile Zanthar meets in secret with an old and powerful gryphon that is rumored to be dead.  His name is Zarks and he started this war when Zanthar was just a fledgling.  Through their spy in the northern flock they learn that Keshaar will be absent and plan his downfall and Twilight’s.

While visiting with the King, Keshaar learns of many things, one being that Torren is growing older and weaker and believes he will not rule over the humans for much longer.  This disturbs Keshaar as he knows the old King is the only reason Zanthar has not yet been able to take over Shalarith.

Taking two of the King’s guard with him, Keshaar leaves the capital province of Ktal and heads west into Zanthar’s territory.  They manage to sneak over the border undetected and locate the dungeon.

Spirits rise when the dungeon appears empty, but it is soon discovered that they have been caught in a trap.   Keshaar is nearly killed by the mage that had tortured and mutated Twilight, but is saved at the last minute by one of King Torren’s guards.  Before he dies the mage tells Keshaar the name of the spy in the flock, and that the spy has been instructed to destroy Twilight while Keshaar is away.  He also steals the Seeing Stone Keshaar had brought with him.  The foundations of the dungeon begin to shake and the group flees for an exit.  Only the humans and Keshaar make it out alive before the dungeon collapses in on itself.

Despite his injuries Keshaar is horrified at the idea of Twilight being killed by the spy, Taevern, his former best friend.  He flies back to the north as fast as he can, and nearly kills himself in the process.  General FireWing heals Keshaar as best as he can though the gryphon still suffers from various aches and pains.  Twilight is safe having been rescued at the last minute by the General.

Twilight believes herself in love with Keshaar and decides to go on a search to locate an herb that will heal the damage that had been done to Keshaar’s head when he struggled with the mage in the dungeon.  She informs Keshaar of this and they fight.  He believes she cannot do this without his being there to protect her.  Despite her hero-worship of Keshaar, Twilight is annoyed by his over-protectiveness and leaves anyway.  Keshaar follows her despite the pain it causes him, and they travel deep into a cave to find the herb.

The cave is dark, and they face many dangers.  A nameless fire-breathing giant and a feral mage that had once been a civilized human challenge both their courage and their desire to protect one another.  In the end they locate the herb and return safely to the flock.  Keshaar finds his feelings for Twilight have changed from what they once were and decides to ask Twilight if she would be his mate.  Twilight accepts, and they fly together in the skies.

Unknown to Keshaar, Torren discovers an old piece of parchment with some odd writing on it.  The paper speaks of two gryphons and has something to do with the old and famous citadel at the top of the mountain Caren Donazen. He is on the verge of figuring out what the paper means when he is brutally murdered by the gryphon Zarks, who had been his companion in the days of the gryphon riders.

Keshaar learns of King Torren’s death weeks after it occurred, and once again races to the south, the distress of losing a good friend tearing him apart.  Before he leaves Twilight discovers she has become pregnant and attempts to fly after Keshaar to give him the news.  Twilight however gets lost and finds she has gone the wrong direction—back towards where she first met Keshaar.  She decides to wait for rescue, as the entirely flock will be moving in her direction, preparing for the largest battle the land of Shalarith has ever seen.

Zanthar and Zarks have retrieved the Seeing Stones from the dungeon, and use them to spy on Twilight.  Leanna, Zanthar’s mate overhears the news that Twilight is pregnant and becomes enraged as she is barren.  She leaves Zanthar and flies to the north, determined to kill Twilight.

Leanna meets with Twilight and they fight.  Twilight manages to kill Leanna, but is left blinded and lost in the wilderness.  She has no choice but to wait and hope that the flock will find her, instead of finding them, when they travel towards the citadel of Caren Donazen.

Keshaar lands in the south and meets with the council to discuss what should be done now that King Torren is dead.  He relates General FireWing’s plans to force Zanthar’s army into a corner, with the flock coming down from the north, and the humans coming up from the south.  The final battle would take place at in the valley at the base of Caren Donazen, a fitting location since the citadel at the top was built by the gryphon riders many years ago.

One of the council, and next in line for Kingship, Verin takes Keshaar aside and gives him the parchment Torren had been investigating on the night of his death.  He believes it is a prophecy telling of a legend, a legend inscribed in the stone of the citadel that tells of Zanthar and Keshaar.  Keshaar thinks him mad at first, but considered the words of the prophecy.  Until now he has held out hope for saving his brother, for somehow converting the evil gryphon.  But these words state that he must kill him.  His own twin.

To distract himself from his current worries Keshaar volunteers to fly farther south and alert the gryphon flocks down there of the impending battle.  Their welcome is rough and Keshaar is worried they might not help, but their alliances are true and they come to the aid of Verin and the rest of the arm he has mustered.  Together they push west and north, forcing Zanthar’s troops into the valley below the mountain of Caren Donazen, just as planned.

The fight begins, and Keshaar finds himself overwhelmed by the fighting.  Still he holds his ground, even when Zanthar shows himself.  Taunting, Zanthar persuades Keshaar into following him up to the citadel, seemingly having more information on the legend than Keshaar.  Keshaar follows and his brother attempts to force him into a fight.  Keshaar struggles with himself, not wanting to kill his brother.  Just as he thinks he might be able to break through and get the old Zanthar back, the one he knew as a gryphlet, Zanthar’s chest is ripped open by another gryphon.

Zarks has murdered Zanthar and goes after Keshaar.  Keshaar, much younger and smaller is overpowered.  Just as he is about to die, Zarks is knocked off of him.   Zanthar was not yet dead and used the last bit of life within him to take Zarks over the edge of the citadel.  Keshaar, severely wounded, falls unconscious.

Keshaar awakes to voices, and finds General FireWing and Verin tending to him.  General FireWing’s flock had arrived sometime during his fight with Zanthar, and helped to turn the tide of the battle.  With the death of Zanthar most of his army had either fled or surrendered.  A few had committed suicide.

Keshaar is healed well enough to return to the ground where celebrations are taking place.  The war, the war that had raged for almost 20 years was finally over.  Keshaar learns that Twilight is with the group, and runs to her side.  He is distraught at the fact that she can no longer see, but overjoyed at the fact that she is carrying his gryphlet.

Verin takes the throne in Ktal, claiming himself the new King.  General FireWing remains with him in the south, having bonded to the human, and reforming the extinct race of gryphon riders.  Keshaar and Twilight return to the north where they can finally fly in peace.

Tagged by Tammy Hickman.

So here is the basic idea for the Lucky 7s game:

• Go to page 77 of your current MS.
• Go to line 7.
• Copy down the next seven lines or sentences and paste them as they’re written.
• Tag seven other writers to play the game.

Apparently I’m not all that lucky.  It’s mostly garble without the rest of the page.

***

There was no place in all of Shalarith that would keep her safer from Zanthar or any other evil.

            Everything else in the dream had been strange too.  What was that stone he had vomited up?  And why in all of Shalarith had Twilight, though dead, been speaking to him?  Keshaar briefly wondered if he had eaten a bad bit of goat to have had such strange visions.  Still, the dream and its words haunted him as he flew, though he tried his best to forget them.

            It was not so bad being lost in one’s thoughts for long periods of time.

***

…and sadly the people I plan on tagging are all on facebook so…neener neener neener.  You’ll never know…

This is mostly for myself, as reference of what I need to do, but comment if you’re bored. Readers in order: 1(Eric), 2(Tamara), 3(Lauren)

Chapters 1-5

• Preliminary Edits -Complete
• Beta Reader 1 Edits -Complete
• Beta Reader 2 Edits -Complete
• Beta Reader 3 -Complete
• Final Author Edits -Incomplete

Chapters 6-9

• Preliminary Edits -Complete
• Beta Reader 1 Edits -beta reader dropped
• Beta Reader 2 Edits -Complete (except 9)
  
• Beta Reader 3 Edits -Complete (except 9)
• Final Author Edits -Incomplete

Chapters 10-15 (& Epilogue)

• Preliminary Edits -All but 14 & 15 complete.  Epilogue to be written.
• Beta Reader 1 Edits -Incomplete
• Beta Reader 2 Edits -Incomplete
• Beta Reader 3 Edits -Incomplete
• Final Author Edits -Incomplete

Chapters 1-5

• Preliminary Edits -Complete
• Beta Reader 1 Edits -Complete
• Beta Reader 2 Edits -Complete
• Beta Reader 3 -Complete
• Final Author Edits -Incomplete

Chapters 6-9

• Preliminary Edits -Complete
• Beta Reader 1 Edits -sent-waiting on reply
• Beta Reader 2 Edits -ch 8 received, ch 9 sent
• Beta Reader 3 Edits -sent-waiting on reply
• Final Author Edits -Incomplete

Chapters 10-14 (& Epilogue)

• Preliminary Edits -All but 13 & 14 complete.  Epilogue to be written.
• Beta Reader 1 Edits -Incomplete
• Beta Reader 2 Edits -Incomplete
• Beta Reader 3 Edits -Incomplete
• Final Author Edits -Incomplete

Some of you may be wondering why I took down chapters 2-5.  There are various reasons for this, but the main one is simple. I have created an author page on FB, and it will be easier to moderate things over there.  While I will still be using Tumblr for updates and blog like things, I’d like to have the free chapters over on FB.

So don’t worry, they’re still there (all you have to do is “like” my FB page), and as an apology for taking them down over here (in case anyone hasn’t finished reading them) I added an extra chapter!  :)

I will be posting another update when I publish my page, so keep a lookout, and please come follow me over on FB!